Fast Read: A 2-minute Summary of our Latest Podcast with Dr. Miriam Santer

Handing Over the Reins to Your Adolescent

When children are young, parents are positioned on the heavy end of the seesaw. We carry all the weight for every decision. But as our kids grow, our job is to push off gradually, so that by young adulthood, the seesaw tilts towards them and they carry all the responsibility.

Making this transition is tough on everyone, but it’s even harder when your teen has eczema. In our latest podcast, Dr. Miriam Santer from University of Southampton in Great Britain shares what she’s learned from dozens of interviews with kids about taking responsibility for their own care.

Korey Capozza, parent of a 13-year-old with severe eczema, explained why letting go is so hard. “I’ve become hyper vigilant about my son’s eczema out of fear. When he was young, if we weren’t on top of his eczema all the time, things got out of control quickly and he suffered. How do I learn to let go of my fear?”

“Preparing your child to take over his care is a process that takes years,” says Dr Santer. “You have lots of time to figure it out.” Look for what your child can do at each stage of development. For example, kids can learn to avoid triggers like perfumed soap and to apply lotion to dry skin at a young age. But parents will probably want to keep managing the use of topical steroids for a while. 

The continuum from basic skin care to handling their own doctor visits and prescriptions is a long one with many steps. Parents can look for teachable moments to help their kids gain mastery. Teens may tell you they want to handle everything on their own, but many tell Dr. Santer that they secretly want help with things like talking to their doctor on their own. You can support them by rehearsing what they want to say to their doctor and giving them the first opportunity to speak and respond to questions.

Rehearsing what to say to their classmates and teachers can help too. Elementary schools often do a better job educating other kids about eczema and protecting your child from teasing. As they move into higher grades, they need to answer friends’ questions and defend themselves from unwanted comments and advice.  

Kyle, a recent high school graduate from Canada, shared his experience of taking over his care at 15. “It was a lot to handle with everything else going on. I developed a checklist to keep on top of my treatment schedule and that helped a lot,” he says. He also gave himself permission not to do everything perfectly. “I learned to do the best I could and then let it go.”

Freya an English university student working with teens with eczema asked, “How can we empower them to take charge of their own care? What do they need?”

“Adolescents need information about eczema they find for themselves,” says Dr Santer. They are hungry for shared experiences from people who understand what they are going through. Often, they turn to social media. “There is some good information there, but the quality is variable. Parents can help by teaching them to evaluate the quality of the information they find.”

Tipping the balance of responsibility in your child’s direction doesn’t have to happen all at once. You have years to work together as a team to get there.

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